


Breakdown

by xSharpcharm



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e19 Hammer of the Gods, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 17:19:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSharpcharm/pseuds/xSharpcharm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Hammer of the Gods. Gabriel was killed by his brother, only to come back to life. Graceless, friendless and thought to still be dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breakdown

His fingers flew over the keys, music filling the room, drifting through the house and could be heard faintly outside from the open window near the grand piano that Gabriel currently sat at. This was how he'd come to deal with his emotions, and they were not lacking. Why was he alive? Why had God brought him back out of all of them? He didn't deserve it anymore. What was he supposed to do? Just live? That felt like a waste. Why had his Father brought him back from death? And why did he feel so _sad_? Gabriel hadn't felt like this in years, probably since he'd left Heaven. And then the sadness at the Apocalypse and knowing his family was being torn apart yet again, this time bringing two innocent mortals in to it. 

Gabriel had known he would die, even before he stepped through the hotel doors. But what had he to live for? Kali... he'd loved her, but she felt he had betrayed her. And no one could hope to stand against his brother. He'd spoken truthfully when he had told the goddess that his brother should scare the crap out of her. There was a reason God had made the four of them. Only four were needed. No more, no less. Only four. They were considered the most powerful creatures in existence, other than God. Pagan gods, no matter who they thought they were were no match to the power of an archangel. His brother killing all the gods in the hotel had only been using a fraction of his power. It had been child's play what Lucifer had done. 

And so he'd made the decision he'd known would result in his death and he'd been alright with that. Gabriel hadn't sided with Lucifer, or Michael. He chose their Father's other creations. Humanity. Over the years among them he'd come to realize the beauty of humans. Why they were so beloved of his Father. They were better than the angels in so many ways. And he knew that someone needed to defend them. Why else would God have created the angels? If He didn't care, there would be no need for the angels. Not to say Gabriel wanted to go against his brother. He loved Lucifer. He always would, no matter his choices. They were his brothers. Yes, so were the angels, but what they shared was different. They were the only four of their kind. 

The music turned more emotional as Gabriel's jaw clenched. His brother... those last few moments... Lucifer looking down at him, his eyes full of sadness as Gabriel had looked up at his older brother. There'd been no feeling of betrayal, though his brother had just turned his own blade on him. The other archangel was doing what he'd thought right. No, his last thoughts were those of love, regret that it had to be Luci to have killed him. There's been a look that crossed between them, a final farewell of sorts.... And then Lucifer had suck the blade fully in to him, his Grace pouring from his body.  
Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, though his fingers continued to move over the keys. The archangel had woken later, a labored gasp coming from his lungs, eyes snapping open to find himself still on the floor of the Elysian Hotel. He'd sat up, hands brushing the ash on the floor...

> _He looked down at his hand, rubbing his fingers and thumb together. It was the remaining remnants of his wings. He reached out a shaking hand to brush against more of the ash, swallowing hard as emotion lumped in his throat. It was gone. Part of it burned away, perhaps all of it burned or at least missing. So why was he still alive? The angel had no idea how long he sat there, surrounded by the ashes of his Grace until he finally gathered some of the cinders, almost as a final memory. As something to remind him of everything and what he once was. Taking one final look at what remained of his old life, Gabriel picked up his archangel blade in a limp hand and walked away from the hotel..._

The sound faltered now as the keys blurred with held back tears. A few more notes were missed until Gabriel suddenly stood, the bench flipping and hitting the floor. "Why?!" He yelled, looking upwards. "Why did you do it?! Why am I still _here_?" The man's voice was anguished as he questioned his Father. "You dump me here with no explanation. Is this my punishment?!" He asked angrily, golden eyes blazing. Gabriel picked up a vase, throwing it, standing motionless as pieces shattered everywhere, a stray splinter drawing a thing line of blood along the side of his neck. "You leave me here and of course remain hidden when we need you. Humanity might be your favorite but we're your _children_. We _need_ your guidance. We need to hear your voice. You're God. You aren't supposed to abandon us!" He said in fury. Even without his Grace you could tell at one time he hadn't been fully human. There was something about the way he stood, the emotions that radiated from him. The strength in his words and in his countenance. 

"You left us. All of us. Angels and humans. You're our _Father_. Do you not care anymore? We needed you. _I_ need you." Gabriel's jaw trembled as he glared heavenward. He gave a bitter sniff. "I don't even know if You're listening. And yet I still have the faith. How could I not? I've spoken to You. I have the faith that somewhere You are out there. That that hopefully You will return one day."  
Gabriel was silent for a few moments before he spoke again, his voice wavering, none of the previous anger left in his tone. "I know I haven't been the best son and maybe that is partially the reason I don't understand why you brought me back. Nothing I did proved my worthiness." The brunette trailed off with a sad sigh. "I don't even know if you're listening... probably not." Shaking his head, Gabriel sunk to his knees, tears sliding down his cheeks. "Please, Father. I'm... I'm so lost." He whispered. "I need Your help. I don't know what to do..."


End file.
